The way things work out.

It's so true now.
To have the girl love you, you have to be a bad man/boy/guy.

I had a talk with some people recently. Yes, completely random strangers.

One such, was at a certain Starbucks on a certain day, this girl - age 19, asked if she could share a table if there isn't anyone I am waiting for. I look up, and simply smile and nod my head in approval.


She's here for studying, so I clear away the square plate that was on the table and move my stuffs to a corner. All was quiet till her pen ran out of ink. I dig my vintage sling-bag for a pen and pass it to her.


"Go ahead and use it." I said.

"Thanks, this save me from making a wasted trip here!" She says.


She ask for my name and resume her studying. I kept quiet and enjoys the peace. Not long after, she stops whatever she was doing and simply gave the most random and, to some people, insulting question.

"Are you gay?" She says.

I gave her a -  D:  - look. I took me awhile to process what she said and retaliates with:


"Yes, I am a very happy(gay also meant happy) man."


She giggled and replies: "No, I am serious. Are you gay?"

Me: "Yes, for the second time, I am a very happy man. And no, I am not a gay. I am in fact, very straight too. Why you ask?"


She: "It's because you men will take such chances to hook us ladies up right?"


Me: "Damn right. That applies to every man in this world except me. Ladies hook themselves to me! Haha!"


Conversation ensued and everything was fine and normal strangers' talk until her phone rang.
When she look at the phone, her face was literally beaming with light and happiness. She excuses herself politely and went out of Starbucks to answer the call.


30mins later. I had finished my Dark Mocha Frap. I laze around on my seat after throwing the empty plastic away. She came back at the 35mins. When she sat down, she remained dead quiet for 2mins before I ask if she's alright.


I asked the wrong question.
Overwhelmed by sadness, tears flow out of her pretty face. She's crying, but silently. I can imagine the pain she is feeling. I had no tissue with me, so I simply improvised and use the extra pieces I had from Starbucks. I pass it to her and after a good 10mins of silent crying. She wrote on a piece of paper.

And this is what was written in there:

"I had a boyfriend. I love him very much. But our distance seems to be increasing despite going through many ups and downs. Day after day, it gets harder to contact him. He always isn't free. Our anniversary, which is today, he promised he would come study with me, but when he called just now, he was at somewhere quiet. I heard another girl's voice calling him dear. I am sure she is addressing my boyfriend as dear because I can hear her voice so clearly as if she's beside the phone."

When I read that, I let out a sigh and wrote:


"I guess you confronted him?"


She looks at my reply and wrote:


"Yes, and he scolded me for it and even said that if I can be with other guys, why can't he be with other girls? But I never go out with another guy alone! I do everything for him... I pay for his bike when he is temporary out of job, I cook his favorite omelet rice for him whenever he wanted, I devote myself to him... Why does it turn out this way?"


And it goes on and on. I can't exactly remember anymore.
But there was at one point, when I told her not to think too much and have faith, her boyfriend smsed her saying he wanted a break up. Just that sms alone, she cried for a good 20mins. When she's done with her crying, I told her I would wish to understand their relationship more. I then spend 40mins listening to her.

It seems that she knew he's like this, yet she...
When she ask me what to do, I asked: "Why would you love someone who does not appreciates you and treat you like a trash?"

She look at me bewildered, maybe it's because of how serious I sound. She simply gave me: "I don't know..." for an answer.

Yes, I facepalm-ed myself and sigh. I then ask if she would listen to what I have to say. Surprisingly, she agreed. So I gave my usual advices and about loving the wrong guy and blah blah blah, lalala, aye aye aye, lu lu lu, leh leh leh and many other stuffs.

Even though I knew she's listening, she ain't convinced. She's trap by the chains of that relationship to a guy that don't love her. She end up crying after I finished everything. Seeing as how broken she is now, I offered to send her home and she agreed. Took the train towards the North, alight and even send her all the way to the doorstep of her home.


Outside her house, she politely thank me and ask for my phone. I gave her and she press her numbers into it and save it under her name.

She: "Thanks for being a good listener and a nice stranger. If you do not mind, I hope we could be friends."


I simply smile at her and gave her a gentle pat at her head before she went into her house.
When she did, I left the area.

On my way home, I look at the number again begins to think about her case.
Many weird stuffs keep popping out. I kept getting answers everywhere and I finally collapsed back home completely shagged out.

I receive my breakthrough last Friday, when I asked Christian to read my fortune via his Tarot cards. At one point, during the tarot reading, I mentioned about relationships and since he knew what I've been through, he gave me the answer I am looking for.

Ok, this might come across as arrogant...
The answer is - It's because I am too perfect of a boyfriend, that is why, all my ex-girlfriends is unable to love me since I am without a fault. I would never hit them, flare up at them, shoot vulgarities at them, abuse them and stuffs. But still, perfect? No, I am not. I ain't rich. I ain't got the sexy and fit body all girls dreamed their boyfriend to have. Neither do I have the looks nor the intellect. So why perfect?

I am still very confused.
End of the day, this is the closest answer I could get.
And frankly speaking...


...
...
I had no idea on how am I suppose to find a fault with myself to make a girl love me.