ParaPara Madness!

My new PC music folder is full of ParaPara songs!!!

I'm in the mood to D.A.N.C.E to the G.R.O.O.V.E!!!


Well, I can't dance though. Opps!


3/4 of the songs that managed to get transfered to my new PC consist of my ParaPara songs collection from ParaPara Paradise 1 to ParaPara Paradise 7!!!


ALL GOT TRANSFERED. There are some J-pop, C-pop, and E-pop... All the K-pop didn't make it. HAHAHA!!!!! 

Christmas with a pinch of Sorrow

It seems that this Christmas, many are left with emotional wounds that I believe shall not heal anytime soon.

I know I can't do anything to heal the broken-hearted, but I certainly can wish you all the best and advise you to stay strong.
Best of luck to you people, you people need it.

A New Challenge

By now, those who are capable to view my facebook profile, should already know. But those who didn't, here's the news.


I won't be going to Pulau Tekong to become a soldier.
I ain't gonna be flying around in some jet fighter.
I ain't gonna become a man-in-blue, catching criminals.
I won't be fighting fire.
...
...


I am going to be, a sailor of the Republic of Singapore Navy.


N.A.V.Y.


I AM GONNA BECOME A SAILOR!!!


I'll be Enlisting on the 04 of March 2011.
I can't wait...


I CAN'T WAIT..!

I am going to start my training now since I have already graduated.
I shall devote all my time into getting ready for that glorious day.

Sorry!

SORRY!!!

I have not been updating for the past few days, sorry yeah? Was pretty busy with stuffs such as planning how and where my current NEC desktop gonna be at when my new ACER Predator desktop arrives this Saturday!

Oh lord, I am so excited! I finally will be able to switch to a better computer for gaming! I will be able to play those games I missed out on! Not forgetting my fellow clan-mates in Battlefield: Bad Company 2! I'm coming back after all the action I missed out with you guys since Battlefield 2!


This ACER Predator ain't that good actually, but I am more than contented already.
"Be contented with what you have." This phrase is still ringing in my head every time I felt something isn't going the way I wanted it to be. I still remember your words.


Well, 3 more days.
Just 3 more days.

I gotta stay patient even though now I am drugged by impatience.
I CAN DO IT. JUST 3 MORE DAYS.


=======================

Dear NEC desktop, 


                                 You have served me loyally this 9 years. (You should have been dead 4 years ago) It's high time you should retire. I gonna give you the retirement(semi) you deserve. Though you maybe on loan to my younger bro(he's a com. killer, 2 of my desktop died in his hands.), you will survive because of the program I installed in you. If you ever decided not to serve him, please let me know, I'll gladly remove you and you will be able to enjoy a proper retirement.


From Gary, with love.

Fatigue.

I had a problem.

And the problem is this - feeling tired.


For no apparent reason, I felt strangely tired despite getting sleep before 11pm yesterday night.

I woke up with aches all over my body for no apparent reason.
Wash up and quickly goes to school.

In school, everything's fine.

But on my way home, again - the fatigue kicked in.
It's just like that. 


Maybe it's the long train ride home.
Or...
...Maybe it's the gloomy evening rain.

It could even be the daily routine that tires me out. I don't know. It's either that, or I'm thinking a lot again.


Whatever it is, I think I need a time-out...
...I can't get one though.

Reading for Thought: One-sided Love.

I have something I would like to share with everyone who reads my blog.
A friend of mine had shown me this:


=======================


Reading for Thought: One-sided Love.

Hardly any other thing can bring up both extremes at the same time like love. It could be the source of immense pleasure or acute pain. Reciprocation makes lover the luckiest man in the world while non-reciprocated love could be source of all miseries. Love requires response and lack of it could bring up an ocean of sorrows.

Despite all these defining love could be a challenging task. It is not necessary that the love to be real has to be reciprocated. It is mostly one way traffic. True lover excels in giving not taking. True love does not ask for returns. Yet all said and done, when there is no response from the special one, it really hurts. 

It is very difficult accepting the fact that your love is neither wanted nor reciprocated. It is even more hurting when not even a glance is awarded to your love. Yet people fell in love and fell head long into the ravine. Reason is that in love there is no choice. Everyone has a Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde in him or her and when good overcomes the bad, love just dominates. Love is blind and when one falls in love the trust for the loved one is unblemished. Yet with such unblemished love, rejection seems very disappointing and leaves the lover heartbroken. 

Love that is one sided, is nothing but like falling in love without realizing the consequences. Just like people wishing for the moon realizes that it can never be theirs. Depression will come but will be a passing phase only with the supreme glow of love quickly overtaking. 

Yet there are certain inherent dangers in the one way relationships. One of the partners, who are not in love, might take advantages from the one who is madly in love. Worst part of it is that while exploiting the partner, they never feel guilty. Usually it is finance or physical advantages that are the motivators in such cases. It could be too late by the time the victim realizes that there has been a serious breach of trust.

Getting over the one way relationship could be essential but the million dollar question is how to accomplish the task. One of the best ways would be stopping thinking about the love. Remaining busy otherwise and doing things to keep the mind occupied would help. Wallowing in some type of self pity won’t help. Believing in one’s ability would be the surest way of getting out of the pit and refraining from making false commitments would be a step in the right direction.


===================

Credits to him and a certain relationship book because this section is extracted from there. :)

I hope this would help any of you who are stuck in such a situation. I believe this would help a lot of you could put in your effort into it.

On the side note, I darken my hair! Now, look at the red glow under the sun... >:D

Updates~

First and foremost. I believe it's high time for me to change into a new blog name.

Dear readers, if you're still here. Congratulations.
If you're not, then too bad - I left plenty of information on where to get my new blog address though.


Well, first and foremost...
...
...
I'm dead tired and right now, I seriously just want to sleep.
I've gotten into a minor dispute with a friend today. I don't feel good, but nevertheless, everything's solved. For that I'm glad.
...
...
Secondly, I did colour on Nono's overly and unevenly bleached hair today.
Had to achieve Red.
After asking Christian and with some advices from Ms.Hong and Ms.Ang, I proceed with Loreal Majirel 6.66 with 9% peroxide on her roots. Process for 20mins and apply the same colour with 6% peroxide on her bleached hair. Process for another 20mins and proceed to wash.
Didn't get the results I wanted though she's pretty happy with her new hair colour so personally, I felt disappointed.
...
...
Thirdly, I took bus 30 home today.
The long ride in the rain with 'Godot - The Fragrance of Dark Coffee' playing on repeat is the perfect condition to fall asleep. Note that the music was edited by Hong Wei to include the sound of rain and a fireplace. These two addition makes the music perfect and thus, I fell asleep. I only woke up at West Coast Rd just pass West Coast Plaza.
...
...
And here I am, at blogging.
Had a lot going in my mind, but seriously, I am too damn tired of it all to give a damn about any.
If there is anything I would give a damn about now, it would be money.
I seem to lack money no matter how much I try to save.
It's completely bullshit with a pinch of salt - hoping it would taste better despite knowing it ain't gonna work out.
...
...
My English ain't improving. I need to read more text. Strangely enough, newspapers doesn't help me improve at all.
Well, I need sleep. I seriously need it.
Tsk... Looks like I'm gonna sleep before 11pm - like I always do during secondary 1.
So goodnight, sweet dreams,
my dream land here I come,
to live the dreams in that dream-filled world.

A moment back in time.

It felt just like that.

It seem just so right to be with Ying Ying, Zhi Hao, and Hong Wei again.
Not forgetting Wei Zhong and Zhi Jie. I might not be so close to them in primary school but recently it sure gotten better.

Yes, all these people are my primary school friend. In fact, Ying Ying, Zhi Hao, Hong Wei, are my childhood friends.


We all gathered for dinner and had a great time talking about just about anything.

Our discussion and chit-chat session varies from studies and what are we doing now, to history of nations like Japan, then technology of the current world and politics, then religion. We can talk about anything under the sun. Everything just feel so right. I really feel like myself with them.

I really enjoy such gathering.
I think only through such outings I can breakaway from the stresses of life.

YING YING. I WANT READ THOSE HISTORY BOOKS!!!!!!!!! ;_;
It's TREASURE, in my eyes! ;_;

I.MUST.READ.THEM.

LOL!

Everything's fine... Really?

It's been 3 days.

This is the third day. I have not attend school since the day that coughing blood incident took place.
Though my MC warrant me a 2-day break, on the third day, I still feel tired and the feverish. Thus here I am, stuck at home, resting the whole freaking day.

I need to go to school tomorrow no matter what.
I don't care if I gonna puke blood or puke my breakfast out. I just want to finish school ASAP, and prepare for NS.

Blood.

Cough out blood this morning when I was climbing down the stairs of my HDB flat.


Almost immediately, I felt weak and my legs give way... Luckily, I held onto the railings and manage to land on my butt first.


Cough more and more, so head back home and went to the washroom straight.
Kept coughing until I kinda fall asleep back in my room.

Now, I need to go see doctor and figure what the fuck is going on.

The way things work out.

It's so true now.
To have the girl love you, you have to be a bad man/boy/guy.

I had a talk with some people recently. Yes, completely random strangers.

One such, was at a certain Starbucks on a certain day, this girl - age 19, asked if she could share a table if there isn't anyone I am waiting for. I look up, and simply smile and nod my head in approval.


She's here for studying, so I clear away the square plate that was on the table and move my stuffs to a corner. All was quiet till her pen ran out of ink. I dig my vintage sling-bag for a pen and pass it to her.


"Go ahead and use it." I said.

"Thanks, this save me from making a wasted trip here!" She says.


She ask for my name and resume her studying. I kept quiet and enjoys the peace. Not long after, she stops whatever she was doing and simply gave the most random and, to some people, insulting question.

"Are you gay?" She says.

I gave her a -  D:  - look. I took me awhile to process what she said and retaliates with:


"Yes, I am a very happy(gay also meant happy) man."


She giggled and replies: "No, I am serious. Are you gay?"

Me: "Yes, for the second time, I am a very happy man. And no, I am not a gay. I am in fact, very straight too. Why you ask?"


She: "It's because you men will take such chances to hook us ladies up right?"


Me: "Damn right. That applies to every man in this world except me. Ladies hook themselves to me! Haha!"


Conversation ensued and everything was fine and normal strangers' talk until her phone rang.
When she look at the phone, her face was literally beaming with light and happiness. She excuses herself politely and went out of Starbucks to answer the call.


30mins later. I had finished my Dark Mocha Frap. I laze around on my seat after throwing the empty plastic away. She came back at the 35mins. When she sat down, she remained dead quiet for 2mins before I ask if she's alright.


I asked the wrong question.
Overwhelmed by sadness, tears flow out of her pretty face. She's crying, but silently. I can imagine the pain she is feeling. I had no tissue with me, so I simply improvised and use the extra pieces I had from Starbucks. I pass it to her and after a good 10mins of silent crying. She wrote on a piece of paper.

And this is what was written in there:

"I had a boyfriend. I love him very much. But our distance seems to be increasing despite going through many ups and downs. Day after day, it gets harder to contact him. He always isn't free. Our anniversary, which is today, he promised he would come study with me, but when he called just now, he was at somewhere quiet. I heard another girl's voice calling him dear. I am sure she is addressing my boyfriend as dear because I can hear her voice so clearly as if she's beside the phone."

When I read that, I let out a sigh and wrote:


"I guess you confronted him?"


She looks at my reply and wrote:


"Yes, and he scolded me for it and even said that if I can be with other guys, why can't he be with other girls? But I never go out with another guy alone! I do everything for him... I pay for his bike when he is temporary out of job, I cook his favorite omelet rice for him whenever he wanted, I devote myself to him... Why does it turn out this way?"


And it goes on and on. I can't exactly remember anymore.
But there was at one point, when I told her not to think too much and have faith, her boyfriend smsed her saying he wanted a break up. Just that sms alone, she cried for a good 20mins. When she's done with her crying, I told her I would wish to understand their relationship more. I then spend 40mins listening to her.

It seems that she knew he's like this, yet she...
When she ask me what to do, I asked: "Why would you love someone who does not appreciates you and treat you like a trash?"

She look at me bewildered, maybe it's because of how serious I sound. She simply gave me: "I don't know..." for an answer.

Yes, I facepalm-ed myself and sigh. I then ask if she would listen to what I have to say. Surprisingly, she agreed. So I gave my usual advices and about loving the wrong guy and blah blah blah, lalala, aye aye aye, lu lu lu, leh leh leh and many other stuffs.

Even though I knew she's listening, she ain't convinced. She's trap by the chains of that relationship to a guy that don't love her. She end up crying after I finished everything. Seeing as how broken she is now, I offered to send her home and she agreed. Took the train towards the North, alight and even send her all the way to the doorstep of her home.


Outside her house, she politely thank me and ask for my phone. I gave her and she press her numbers into it and save it under her name.

She: "Thanks for being a good listener and a nice stranger. If you do not mind, I hope we could be friends."


I simply smile at her and gave her a gentle pat at her head before she went into her house.
When she did, I left the area.

On my way home, I look at the number again begins to think about her case.
Many weird stuffs keep popping out. I kept getting answers everywhere and I finally collapsed back home completely shagged out.

I receive my breakthrough last Friday, when I asked Christian to read my fortune via his Tarot cards. At one point, during the tarot reading, I mentioned about relationships and since he knew what I've been through, he gave me the answer I am looking for.

Ok, this might come across as arrogant...
The answer is - It's because I am too perfect of a boyfriend, that is why, all my ex-girlfriends is unable to love me since I am without a fault. I would never hit them, flare up at them, shoot vulgarities at them, abuse them and stuffs. But still, perfect? No, I am not. I ain't rich. I ain't got the sexy and fit body all girls dreamed their boyfriend to have. Neither do I have the looks nor the intellect. So why perfect?

I am still very confused.
End of the day, this is the closest answer I could get.
And frankly speaking...


...
...
I had no idea on how am I suppose to find a fault with myself to make a girl love me.

Where I belong.

It just feel so right, to be doing colouring again.

I coloured Didi's hair and it turns out fine! Using 6.45 I manage to get to the colour he wants.

I am just lucky I guess. I can't get overconfident again.

Tomorrow's the lab's commercial service.
I hope I get to do some decent haircuts.
I need to refresh those skills urgently.

Band of Brothers.

Yeah, I re-watched the entire series on my computer today.
Band of Brothers is a really good show.
God, I can't believe I nearly tear up at those touching/sad moments.


There is so many things I wanted to say about the show, but it just made me speechless in awe!
Great show, certainly a great show!


========================


Everyday, as I glance at the figurine of the Gold Saint - Scorpio Milo from Saint Seiya series, I would think about how great it was during the time when the bonds between the members of the team were so great.

Now, looking back at those past glories, I can't help but to feel that, it's gonna happen to the current group I am in now. Is there anyway I can prevent those kids from becoming like what we seniors became? The original team dissipated because of some minor disagreements and some political issues.

Let just hope it won't happen.

...
...

Also, I think it's due time for me to get on the Saint Seiya Project. I don't think I want to wait around anymore.

Changes.

Yup, major changes.

I won't be working at Next Salon for my attachment anymore.
Got called back to school to have my attachment there.

Now, I have to reach school everyday at 8am. Must do one client per day.
Chemical days are Tueday and Friday.
The rest, are for simply haircut, wash and blow-dry, and other stuffs.


Just two more weeks till the end of hell.
I can make it.


===============================================
男人不坏，女人不爱。


I still don't get it - Why would girls loves to be with bad men and boys?

It's always like this. All my 7 ex-girlfriends did the same.

Break up with me, get a new boyfriend within a week/month's time, to a guy that would shout at her and giving love that never existed. I don't get why they can't see that they are just being treated like a trophy, I don't get why they can't see that they are being played a fool, I don't get why they can't see that them boys are out there just to get their dicks some satisfaction. 

Well, so far, all 6 of them had been 2-timed, gotten laid and abandoned. The 7th one most probably won't get laid because it's another LDR after me. Well, not that all of them were any of my business anymore. 

I just have to face it I guess. Girls do like bad men and boys.
Now I wonder what makes me change from a bad boy to someone I am now? Ah yes, I remembered. It's for the 5th - Though she end up breaking my heart and loving a complete 2-timing bastard. I was so lost during that period of time. Luck was with me, I did not revert back to my old self. Again, none of my business.


I ever thought about becoming a bad boy once again. I end up slapping myself awake.
Why goes through all these trouble for them? Moreover, no one wanted to see my dark side. I vowed never to return to who I was back then. And


Well, as the above stated, 男人不坏，女人不爱。
And for those poor people who can't understand Chinese, it meant 'A girl will not love a guy who ain't bad.'
I already have two female friends caught up in this situation.

Well, both of them are just too mesmerized by the guy they like. The difference is that one of them knew that guys simply wanted her as a 2nd girlfriend while already having a girlfriend. While the other do not seem to be able to see that her infatuation over the other guy cannot end unless she wakes up.


And worse of all, I knew I can't help them. They are too poisoned by sweet words and actions of their predators.

If only my words could carry more power in them...
If only so... Haiz.

Chemicals.

You can smell me from miles away!

I literally smell like a bad concoction of peroxides and perming lotion!

Assisted Brian the most today.
and is dead tired now.

Nights.

Rage.

I've been raging too much.

To the extent I take everything, be it good or bad, right or wrong, up and into the fire.

I just need a break. I dearly needs one.

I have to reach workplace by 10am tmr. I need to sleep early.
I need to sleep.

Rant no. 12837691046134

I guess I am still very much hated.
Looks like there isn't really any way left.


Maybe this is for the better.
I thought you would want me back at least as a friend, that is why there is this friend request you sent.
Then...
After I accepts it on Facebook, I was deleted from your list almost immediately. 

I am seriously confused.
I felt seriously insulted.

Is that suppose to be a childish prank or what?
This simply changes my views of you.
To even decide to pull such stupid stunts.


Whatever man. 
Just keep getting used by YPs because I don't care anymore.
You're just the same as the previous 6 blind.

Yes. I don't care about you anymore.
Your feelings,
Your problems,
Your life.

I shall just Fuck off, even from the shadows.
*runs across the bridge and blow it up*


=====================================


For the first(maybe second or third) time in my damn life, I just want to say...

Fuck.My.Life.


It's an overused word but I don't give a fuck.


Bad events happening when it's currently most 'important' period of my time.

Mom get sick and I couldn't go work.
Smsed a friend to relay message hoping to save phone prepaid value goes awry.
Smsed in the morning and I get a reply in the night!?
Just what is the phone for!? _|_


Hell yeah. I am fucking pissed.
Salon asking us to buy equipments for training purposes.
But heck, I can't afford to waste my pay that I am getting for this IA for anything! They goes to my debt that I owed Singtel! 


)&%($^%*#!)#^)&*@$%)!%)*$_&^&*)%)!$_!@$^%&*()&@%!_&^&$^%*$%^#!#@)$^)


===============


At this point. I am already calm.
The above ^(%)&% you saw, was simply me raging then deleting my paragraphs.
Yeah.

Critics from a Hairstylist.

Because of Hairstylist Wallace, my model for hairwash practice today,
under his strict guidance and critics, I finally got hold of...

1) The strength I need to exert.
2) The area my fingers should cover.
3) Tips on how to keep the massage smooth.

Thanks to you, I felt a bit more confidence in my skills. I will definitely improve more and more.

...
...
Because I need to.

I have a lot of things I do not know. I had made myself forget what the school teaches reason being:


1) So that I can start afresh, like a baby learning how to crawl then walk.
2) Starting with a fresh and empty mind enables easier learning.
3) I will be able to adapt to the salon's system more easily.
4) Whatever I learnt previously will not come into use and obstruct my means of learning new things.


For now.
My top 3 priority in my life is...


1) Knowledge.
2) Money.
3) Money.


Others priorities like lifestyle and such can simply rot and burn in Hell for all I care.
Wonder why I had my 2nd and 3rd priority stated as Money?

Money is evil, so why?
Money can't buy you things like Love, Friends, Families, and such but Money can buy you most of the things you need.

The things I WANT is not the things I NEED.
And the things I NEED is things I REALLY NEED, badly.
Shit. How the heck am I suppose to get the money to spend on equipments!?

Sick at the wrong time.

It's the wrong time.
It's the wrong day.

I felt really sick and wasn't able to move around this morning.
So I close my eyes and slept again.

Little did I know when I wake up, I cannot make it in time to visit the polyclinic. Now I can't get my MC and tomorrow Olivia's gonna screw me up down left right for not being able to produce a MC for her to certify I AM sick, even when I AM sick.
Wasted trip. I felt like vomiting out just about anything that's in my tummy throughout the ride to the polyclinic and back home.

Reach home, I went to sleep, and now, I'm awake!
Not feeling any better. It's this hard to just even think.
Worse, tomorrow's work - gotta reach at 10am.
I should just go back to bed, or I'll never make it there.

Wait, will I even make it there in one piece in my current situation?
We'll see... We'll see...

Nights.

Missing updates.

Sorry for not updating my blog yesterday!
I just got so tired that I came home, online for a short while then retire to bed.


I'm gonna do the same thing now.
Tired.

On the bright side, I get to shampoo wash 2 clients, and did many assists on technician and stylist side.

Tired.

Tomorrow shall be even more tiring.
Give me strength,
My love.

My Resolve.

What's my Resolve?
It's not strong enough!

I am not that determined! I still let the past affect my work! I still let my mood affect my work! I still let Reuel and others affect my work! I can't afford to break now! I can't afford to fail now!


I need to get things right back!
I mean, hey, WHAT IS THIS!?


I lost concentrations to a few distracting insulting taunts and some bloody jokes!
That damn boy who can't speak properly shouldn't affect me!
That assistant shouldn't affect me too!

But why!?

My Resolve ain't strong enough!

STRONGER...
I NEED TO GET STRONGER!!!


I can't screw up if I ever want to be accomplished.
Please, get out of my mind!
You motivates me, yes.
But you too distracts me!

Just get out. Please.

Are you happy now?

I know I no longer stand any chances of winning you back.

Those cold messages said so.
I don't fight battles that I know I already lost...

Still, in every defeat, lies sorrow and pain.

Pain is when I see that he already asked you to be his girlfriend, and when he can make you miss him so much - which I can't.

Sorrow is when I look through the pictures, I saw you wearing our couple necklace, and when I know that no matter how much I fixed that broken necklace of mine, it just breaks the next day.

No, not because I do not know how to fix(I am a props-maker!). I am very sure I fixed it the right way.
It just won't stick back. There are times when wearing the necklace, the gem on it falls off. I would goes on my knees trying to find that blue gem. Not because it's worth money, but because it's a couple necklace, it represents our bond and it should never be broken.

Funny...

I never thought I will cry because of the past again...
I seriously need to get the facts right - that you will never want me back into your life again...
What is wrong with me..?
Why can't I just accept it..?

This is gonna affect my progress tomorrow at work...

I miss you so much, even now.

Work Work~! Day 2!

Ain't half bad.

Reuel is up to his usual 'Im-the-best-and-you-all-are-junks' attitude.
Which resulted him to lead Chee Yang the wrong way and thus got lost.
If Reuel could have lower his pride to follow me, someone he don't consider a friend, a little, he would have reach the salon safe and sound without having to spend money on a cab after realising he is lost.

Well, he's rich, so yeah.
May the heavens one day strike him with bad karma and thus caused his death by stupidity.


That aside, I manage to rinse 3 clients' hair!
Was given the opportunity when 1, was assisting Sharol(?), and when 2, was assisting Edwin twice!
Other than that, I just does the normal stuffs. Stand by at one side and tries to read the other stylists.

Jerry, is super hard to read.
Thus, I made a deal with myself - I shall master the ability to read the cold and serious Jerry before Day 20!

I know I can do it.
*pat myself at back*
Good Job!

Also, we are required to be able to shampoo hair the Next Salon way by this Saturday.
Quite a rush ain't it? It's gonna be hard. Holland V.'s Olivia's had more steps and we MUST master it. Ion Orchard's Olivia's only have 4 steps.


Well, doesn't matter.
I shall learn from both.
Then...
Master them all and create my own style!
...
...
Today, I saw a girl that look just like you.
At first, I thought you came to Singapore.
But then again, it's not possible. 
You will never be able to come here right now.
I guess, it doesn't matter anymore whether I care or not.
I do care, and all I care about now, is your happiness.

Work Work~

Today's my first day in Next Salon @ Ion Orchard.

Probably my last day too, since tomorrow I will be posted to Next Salon @ Holland Village because I'm living in the West, along with Chee Yang and Reuel. Hilary stayed at the East, but have access to direct bus services to Holland Village and thus was posted along with us.


You know. At first, I was heck of the nervous.
Then, after tons of washing fellow students' hair, and learning Next Salon's trademark hair wash and massage techniques, everything just blend in. 

I started to sweep the floor, keep magazines, assist. I didn't get the chance to serve beverages to customers though.


All in all, it's all good. But I can't keep my guard down.
Tomorrow will be at a new place. 


I must do my best.

Work hard, harder, hardest.
Be the best of you can, Gary!
The fate of your future lies in your hands now!
Make sure you're up to standard so they will want you back.


Once again, thank you, for appearing in my dream when I dreaming about being pulled off by some invisible demon down endless flights of stairs, and when I was feeling bored and stuffs at work. You appeared in my thoughts and lit my fire to work and turns my nightmare to sweet dream.

You know who you are...
Thank you.

Open mind.

How open-minded are you?

I am constantly face with the challenge on the degree of openness you can keep with people.
And of course, I do realise that how open-minded you are depends on who you're with.

I mean, you certainly don't go around strangers and act as if you're close friends and start sprouting some dirty jokes and stuffs, right?

There's a limit to everything and limiting your openness to simply your inner circle of friends is the ideal choice. When I mean inner circle of friends, I don't mean all your friends.
Selectively, I would say, those handful whom which you can trust and depend on - friends you know that even when they do you injustice, they will apologise and change for the better.


But then again, when you're too open-minded, even the closest of friends will get irritated by it.


Perhaps, I should never be so open-minded in front of my friends.
Some had voice their displeasure and some even retorted with hostility.

Maybe, I never had any inner circle to begin with.


Gary, there, you screw up once again.
But it's alright. Keep on going and don't let this setback stops you from moving on forward.
March on,
The Promised Land,
Awaits you.

Tell me what should I do?

If there is a God, or even a Devil,
please tell me what can I do and what should I do.

Was I wrong?
Wrong that Nigel is the Mr.Right for her?

I guess I was really wrong.

So dear God & Devil, I know I am very confuse...
I am confuse as to why, she can never be happy with the guy she wanted to love?

I know at least, that for my part, I am to be blame.
I should not resort to lies as a way to form a bond.
I have been a pathetic boyfriend for her.

But at least, I really tried and---
...
...
I shall not continue.

At least, she seem to have made up with him and they seem to be at peace again.
I shall keep my intentions hidden.
Well, dear God,
If you ever exist, please bless her with fortune and happiness that she always wanted.

And yes, I can't deny it.
I've moved on, but my feelings won't change until she gains her true happiness.
Neither will I get into another relationship,
nor I accept Love back into my life.
Not till the day,
my last romance gains her true happiness.

For now, Gary.
Look forward and stop backtracking. You've been backtracking too much.
No matter how tough it is to walk forward, you have to.
I am begging you, don't stop, don't turn back.
Just move forward...

Graduated lor~!

Babaaan~!!!

"ORD LOR~" Is something that pathetic boys who see NS as a waste of time shout in tears for finally regaining their freedom.

"Graduated lor~!!!" Is something that happened as of today for me! :)
I've successfully graduated from my course, Hair Fashion and Design.

Now, I have one more huddle to overcome.

My IA.

If I screw this up, this graduation will be useless.
I cannot afford to get fired.
I need to work hard, work harder, and work the hardest.

I NEED TO SURVIVE!


JUST.ONE.MORE.MONTH.TILL.I'M.FREE.


I can do it. 
Just like today,
Even without my parents' or friends' support,
I manage to make it this far.


I know I can.
And thank you, for giving me the motivation I needed.
You know who you are, girl.
I don't have to say. You made me work hard when my flame died.
Thank you.

Wake up.

I need to snap out of my current sorrowful/pitiful mood.
I need to do so.
I MUST do so.


===== Gary's inner theater =====

Dammit.
Don't go emo-ing on me again, Gary.
You promise yourself to live your life to your very best, so emo-ing is out of the dam fucking question.
DON'T.GO.THERE.
You're just gonna hurt yourself more.
Prioritize yourself over others - even the girl you love.
If you don't, you're not going to be the best you can be.


Come on,
NO pain, NO gain!
PUSH.PUSH.PUSH!

I.CANT.GO.ALL.EMO-ING.NOW.

Graduation Hair Show is TOMORROW.
Get out of your emo-ish mood, now - and keep out, forever!
You love the girl right? Then fucking let go.
She ain't happy with you and you know there isn't any point in going on when she can never be happy!
You know this! You know this!
You told thousands about this, and NOW, please do what you preach!


Wake up and smell the ash of reality.
Don't go feeling emo, now's not the time and there never was a time for emo-ing.
Be strong and walk on.


DASH! FULL SPEED AHEAD.
You have to fucking get over this huddle, or you're just gonna screw the hair show!

Get over it...

NOW!

Horrible Day!

I thought my watch could last at least 3 months...
IT JUST BROKE THIS MORNING, 9:30am!!!

I simply can't believe it. 10 bucks fly away like this. It purely sucks to be me at that moment.


Well, can't be helped.

Oh yeah, I manage to reach school at 6:45am!
Surprise Surprise!
I was the first STUDENT to step into the school. <_<"
It's nothing to be proud of, and I certainly don't wish it to happen again.
Nothing's available at that time.
No food, no coffee, no snacks!


NOTHING.

Today's all about rehearsal for tomorrow's graduation hair show.
It's gonna be epic but hey,
I am not looking forward to it.

This event is brought together with a lack of management so obvious that it's captain obvious.
This ain't like a hair show anymore,
It's more like a parade now. <_<"

Well, I don't have much say.
Small fry like me are meant to just sit back and let the adults do their job.
So yeah.
Gotta sleep early, then wake up at 4am to get ready!
Gotta catch my first bus at 5:34am!

It sure sucks when you do not have parents to drive you around.
It sure sucks when you do not have a car/motorcycle license.
It sure sucks when you CAN drive/ride but you're without a license and the vehicle.

Haiz.
I am still waiting,
For something to happen.
Something that I can celebrate about.
I shouldn't have compromise things to make it work out right.
It simply backfired so badly, that I am left without a chance.
I look back now and I see it.
I see it, the foolish me.
I still love you, so will you love me back?

Time is on my Side once more.

I finally, finally gotten a watch.

Yes, a watch. I needed one so badly because it's bothersome to look at time from your phone.
Having one at your wrist is so convenient. Now, I won't do embarrassing acts of bringing my wrist up to look at time when I do not have a watch.

Now, I am just glad to have a watch.
Time is on my side once more!

No, it's not something expensive. I got it for 10 bucks.
I don't see the need for me to own good Brands/Series like Criteria, Rolex, French Connection, or whatever. I'm a guy. I just need a watch that can follow me through my endless journey.


This is my last week of freedom before I start working at Next Salon in Ion Orchard.
It's not going to be easy, but I won't break, I won't fall, I won't give up.


The days ahead will be rough, as the end of my teenage life approaches, the start of my adult life will begin.

So what do I truly want?
Perhaps, money.
Perhaps, love.
Perhaps, just...
Someone who can truly understand me.

No. It's Impossible.

How the heck am I suppose to reach ITE-CE by 7:30am when my first bus starts at 6am!?
Impossible, Impossible, Impossible.

True Feelings.

I know whatever I said now is nothing but lies to you.

But there is just 3 words that I'll never lie to you.

They are - I Love You.

And I seriously do.
Even if you never intended to return to my side,
please believe,
that I truly love you.

Thanks.

PSI: 108

Seriously.

PSI: 108.

As if Singapore ain't polluted and warm enough, here comes the famous Haze from our very own neighboring country ________.


PSI: 108 is seriously fucked up man!

Guess what? I went for an interview at Next Salon located in Ion Orchard. Boy, that feeling ain't good. I felt the stress the moment I walk in.


Interview ended and I quickly go back home.

On the train home, between Clementi and Jurong East, I could see Teban Gardens... HIDDEN IN THE HAZE. Oh jeez. In my mind I was thinking, "That's the worse, I am actually going into that shit?"


Too much. Just too much.

Pretty soon, I'll have to wear a mask and go out now. *curses*

Graduation, in a week's time.

Yeah, it's in a week's time.

Luckily, I have already finish the photoshoot for my model today.

Reach school at 8am, model arrives at 8:30am.
9am starts my hair up, finish by 9:30am.

I know I may sound like a pro, but no. I'm not. In fact, I ain't good at Creative Hair Designs.
It's just... No.
No. It ain't great at all.
Moreover, the photoshoot starts at 1pm.


I ended up rotting in the basin area, helping out one of my junior participating in the photoshoot with some of his troubles, walking around, and sleeping.

So I end up slacking my way through.

And yes, I got so tired, while on my way home on the train, I keep wandering into dreamland.
In my dreamland, I kept dreaming about how it would be like to be living a life of an adult with a certain someone.

Though, that's an impossible thing right now.
I have to move on.
I must move on.

Funny thing. I reach home, I showered and tried to sleep.
All in vain.
I can't sleep. Something kept me awake. Maybe it's those dreams I had.

So I went down to the nearby optician to get my eyesight check once more.
My previous record was R: 75 L: 50
My new record was R 200 L 225


OTL.


This sucks. How did I get so bad?
I should stop wearing specs. I want to try contact lens. But they're too expensive for now.
I am penniless.

Blog's Birth

Well, here it is.

My new blog.

This time, I keep it simple.
Kinda gain a liking to simplicity. My life became so complicated before and now, I simply wish to keep it simple and easy. So I guess a new blog like this helps a lot.